There is more to me than meets the eye.
All my life I’ve been brave. Whether it be on the inside, or the outside. I’ve always the first one to climb the mountain, or to state my opinion to someone who is much bigger than I. The one to stand up for what I believe no matter the cost, or to give out hugs and smile my biggest smile, even when the insides of me are crumbling. The circumstances that God has placed in my life have made me that way. Tough, brave, strong and ready for any challenge. Though life has hurt me more than I ever thought possible, and the lessons have been hard to learn, I wouldn’t change it for anything. My scars have made me, ME. They’ve softened my heart to others who suffer with showing what’s going on in their head and taught me that there is always hope.
But what most people don’t realize is that there is more to me than meets the eye. On the inside, I am a terrified little girl who only wants to be loved.. Or to know what it feels like to not be strong enough. I’m a little girl who is terrified of the world. Terrified of what my future holds. Terrified of my sin, and the power it has over me. I’m terrified of ever letting go and appearing as weak. I’m terrified of disappointing the people that I love the most. I’m terrified of letting someone in… or showing them that I truly care. I’m terrified of what I look like in the worlds eye’s. I’m terrified of the failure that I know I am so capable of. I’m terrified of rejection. But most importantly, I’m terrified of… myself. I’m terrified of knowing myself. Of knowing my weaknesses and the parts of me that I’ve so easily packed up and locked away, for so many years.
I have an innocent desire, just like everyone else: to love, and to be loved… Even when I’m weak. To be able to say what’s going on inside my heart. To be taken care of. I just want to be me. But, to be me, I have to know me… and to know me, I have to face my biggest fear. But I know I can. Besides, I’m the brave one, remember?:)
I’m weak and I’m terrified… But I can get through this. Just like I always have.
The brave little girl who is terrified to face herself.