Broken Beyond Repair

I cant see two steps in front of me.
The fog in my eyes grows thicker.
All around me, the world keeps turning.
Life keeps living.
Flowers keep blooming.
The wind continues dancing.
The rain keeps falling.
Hearts all around are still beating.

Time is still running his race,
days turn to months,
months turn to years,
babies become children,
children turn into adults.

My feet still walk,
my hands still move.
My brain still functions,
my mouth still creates words.
But what then, of my heart?

Life is still so alive…
So tell me, why do I feel so dead?
Winter has wrapped its mangled fingers across my heart, with no intention of ever letting go again.

Yesterday, my eyes saw the shining sun.
My skin felt its warmth.
The flowers splashed color into my world.
The words “I love you” came easily.
My heart beat proud and strong–unbroken. All the pieces intact and accounted for.

Today, the sun has dimmed.
My skin has gone numb.
The flowers have lost their brilliance.
The words “I love you” have now become a monster that haunts me in my dreams.
And my heart that was once so tender, and alive is now broken. Barely beating. Parts of it ran away without my permission.. Others secretly chipped themselves away and ran blindly into the hands of someone who didn’t understand how much they were worth.

Feeling this way is foreign to me.
Like a child I wander around, getting lost, bumping into things, searching to find my way, desperately trying to understand this beautifully, sad world that surrounds me.
Things that were once so simple now perplex me.
Places where I once knew my way have become foreign.
People I once knew have become strangers.

They always tell you to expect a broken heart when you open yourself to love, but they never tell you how to fix it. They don’t warn you of the constant pain that gets stronger everyday, or of the sadness that never seems to go away. They don’t make sure you understand that the sun wont shine so bright, nor will the flowers burst so brilliantly, once your heart has been crushed so badly that some days it wishes to cease its beating.

But inevitably it comes.

It comes because life is a relentless bully—hungry to eat us alive.

Because we are human, and nothing brings us the satisfaction we thirst for.

Because this earth wont let us stay naïve forever.

Hearts are fragile.

Life is treacherous.

Love is dangerous.

Be careful where you go in this world and who you allow yourself to love. You may end up broken beyond repair.

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