These Storms

{Day 188}

“I promise you, these storms are only trying to wash you clean.”

Screenshot 2015-05-17 20.19.31

This is a photo I took yesterday while I was standing out in the rain, and for some reason, I was too afraid to post it. Because it opened up a part of me that I hide so often. Vulnerability is hard for me. Actually, its the hardest. Here goes nothing.

As of late, my life has been a series of storms. Storms that I don’t talk about with anyone, nor do I want to. But they are storms nonetheless, and some days they seem to have the most control over me.

They push me down, toss me in my sleep, tell me that I’m worthless and stuck. They reek of lies and insecurities. They are walls– mounting and closing in. They are only getting bigger and stronger. Am I giving them the strength?

Its hard to remember that I have the strength to get through these storms. Its hard to take control of my life again. Its hard.

Its hard to realize that these storms hold a lot of resemblance to the storms that nearly killed me as a child, but eventually made me stronger and better, somehow. But they are. Storms are blessings in disguise, I suppose.

Its hard to remember these things, but then I stand in the rain and remember His mercies and His kindness. Suddenly–perspectives shift, worlds change, life looks different, and I can breathe. Finally…. purpose filled breaths, whole and clean, in and out. I missed this.

And I know that when I wake up tomorrow, the way I’m breathing right now, won’t be how I am breathing then. But I breathe anyway. I breathe in and out, take one step at a time, put one foot in front of the other.

And remember… “these storms are only trying to wash me clean”.

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